our 3 day weekend

Justin had a 3 day weekend due to Veterans Day! Friday we spent the whole day in the emergency room then rushed home got ready in like 5 mins to go to my friend Steph's Birthday party, it was actually pretty fun we met alot of cool people and Justin was the life of the party, i havent seen him that wasted in a looong time at least a year lol he was dancing, singing, ran into a sliding glass door i got to carry him up the stairs and listen to him snore all morning haha! But he deserves it he hasnt let off some steam in a while. However i could of gone with out the attitude he had all day Saturday.

Saturday was a lazy day..then turned eventful some how Jax got ahold of extra strength tylonel gpt the child caps off and everything, we rused him to the ER and 6hrs, and an IV later his blood test was good turns out he didnt even eat any of the pills.. i dont think i have ever been so scared in my life and we sure did learn our lession about forgetting to put the medication in the cabnit im just sorry we had to learn it the hard way. Jax is always getting into everything i need to make sure im keeping both eyes on him from now on.

& today (Sunday) we are just kicking back.. Justin still has an attitude but im trying to ignore him lol the next couple of weeks are going to be busy, the USMC Birthday ball were going to my Aunts for Thanksgiving and then  December 19th to January 6th were going to be in cali so i will have lots to right about then :)

You drink? Your a bad mom! & your sick, you must just want attention.

Who says just because i have Gastropareses i cant drink? A lot of people talk behind my back because i have the occasional glass of whine (if u can call Arbor Mist whine) with or after dinner  or have some beers on the weekend. I have gotten anonymous messages from people calling me out and calling me a bad mother because like a normal 21 year old i like to have a good time with my HUSBAND and close friends.. like this one.. i let this anonymous message on FB really get to me: 
 so i just thought i would tell you that you are a pathetic excuse of a person, a shitty wife and mom. you always have so much drama that you post on your page. nobody feels sorry for you dude. you get what you deserve. your teeth are disgusting, your child is obese please dear god get him on a diet so he doesnt get diabetes. you drink when you are always sick and in the hospital? you are sick as fuck. you always take way to many pictures of your coaced out self. honey you really arent that pretty and your outfits make you look like a total trashbag. 
get a life and stop being such an attention seeker and you will see that life really is a good thing. you are mad wasting your life right now.

i really let that get to me.. but NOT any more, i have turned over a new leaf well im working on it trying not to let any one get to me or change my mood. 

im 21 years old i believe thats the age allowed to drink and god damn it im going to live my life i know im a good mother my son is the happiest little man u will ever come across every time u see him he has a smile on his wittle face :) 

drinking hard liquor does make me sick, but not having the occasional beer or glass of wine, shit or even a mixed drink here and there. I have talked to my Dr. about my drinking and he doesnt think it will effect my illness and if it did i would stop in a heart beat. 

and for those of you who think my gastroperesis is just me seeking attention i would advise you to go blow your self (excuses my french)  there are much better things to do to get attention like pose for play boy, wear undies everywhere, start a youtube channel ;) im not going to lie i do love attention but in NO way would i put my family through all this madness to get attention nor would i be throwing my guts up daily, so the next time you want to make snap judgments about some one do your recherche. Im an open book i will answer any questions im asked honestly.  

Living with Gastroparesis...The Invisable Pain! Flair up madness

Another visit to the ER last night, that makes something like my 89th visit (not like im counting) luckily i only waited for 15 mins before they got me a bed. I got a Dr. that i have had a few times before she was VERY helpful and VERY understanding right away she ordered me pain and nausea medication, didnt even bother giving me an IV considering all my veins are shot due to too many IV's so they did a dry stick to collect blood and gave me Dilaudid (hydromorphon) and phenergan in a shot in my butt :( NOT FUN! but made me feel alot better! Ran my blood and urine to make sure there was nothing else going on. All though i do have a small 1.7 cyst on my left ovary the Dr. didnt seem to think its anything to worry about. She sent me home with a prescription of pain meds.. 


That is pretty much how every ER visit goes..some times the Dr. will tell me i have an addiction to narcotics and will refuse to help me and they send me away most the time after i have waited 3-5 hours in the waiting room. Most the time i will get a nice understanding but not very educated on Gastroparesis. 


I AM ALSO 7 DAYS LATE... IM USUALLY REGULAR MAYBE 2 DAYS SHY OR LATE BUT NEVER 7 DAYS. IM SURE ITS JUST THE CYST AND OR MY STRESS LEVELS OR MAYBE THE WEATHER... I WOULD LOVE TO BE PREGNANT BUT ITS JUST NOT THE TIME PHYSICALLY, FINANCIALLY, OR EMOTIONALLY BUT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND GOD ONLY GIVES YOU WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE.
   
i also had a pain management apt yesterday BUT the stupid nurses forgot to put me in the system so the dr would not see me and i had to reschedule for 3 weeks out. That really frustrates me because i have to go to the ER when im in pain and vomiting and we are usually there till 1am or 2am and i know thats hard on my husband who has to be up at 5am to drive all the way to DC most the time we fight like cats and dogs in the emergency room witch makes me even more sick, stress is my number one factor to my illness.. i know hes frustrated and tired but sometimes i just wish he would understand more that the way he treats me makes me feel worse physically and emotionally... we are still working on things, this last visit was awesome NO fighting he stood by my side the whole time...


What my disease (Gastroparesis) has taught me thus far: The words "no cure", "idiopathic", and "irreversible" 


does NOT mean "impossible", "the end", or "no hope" ... 

Get to know your blogger...

First off i love pictures i believe they can describe a situation better then words, so i will be including alot of pictures in my blogs :) I'm marred to a sexy Marine, hes my best friend and ever since i met him hes made my life better in so many ways were both 22 well i will be (Nov 3rd 2011) i would be lieing if i said we had the perfect relationship but its perfect for us! 

We have a handsome, funny, very smart son named Jaxsen Thomas Roark we call him Jax (after my fav show SOA) :) im lucky enough to get to spend every min of the day with my son he brightness up every situation when im said or feeling lonely he knows just the right things to do to make mommy smile.

Like the Typical Military family we have been apart for long periods of time. we went through our first Deployment together May2010-Dec2010 and if i might add we made that deployment our BITCH ;) daddy left when jax was a week old thank the lord that i have an amazing family and awesome friends who helped me through every hard day! 

 during the last week of the Deployment i had almost a life treating situation happen to me, i had an artery burst behind  my stomach and my stomach was slowly filling w/ blood for 7 months. Many trips to the ER, cats-scans, x-rays, U/S and NO dr. found anything, how no one saw a blood clot the size of a golf ball is beyond me, on December 8th i started to throw up uncontrollably (nothing new for me) but i was getting so dizzy and light headed i couldnt even make it from my bedroom to our bath room (witch was feet away) with out blacking out and falling to the ground, my mom noticed my vomit was a light pink and rushed me to the ER, after a EKG i was rushed into a bed and all the craziness began, i dont remember much i was on some heavy pain and anxiety medication, i do however remember getting a red cross message out to my husband who was in the middle of the OCEAN on a MEU coming home from his 7 month deployment. I couldn't imagine the thoughts running through my husbands head and how helpless he must have felt. They preformed a 3.5 hour surgery and repaired everything. i begged to leave the hospital early so i could at my husbands homecoming we surprised him :)  i now have a scar from the bottom of my breast bone to the top of my pelvic bone that will always be a part of me :)

 after my surgery i would LOVE to say im healthy and i have had no more issues or ER trips but that wouldnt be the truth.. i am in and out of the ER on a weekly bases after my surgery i got diagnosed with gastroparises with means my smaller intestines dont digest foods normally and causes horrible pain, its something i am going to have to live with for the rest of my life, there are NO medications that can manage it, i take nausea and pain medication every day some days are better then others. my husband is always there for me <3 i love him so much when u get married u say "for sickness and in health" but you never imagine what that means until your married to some one with an illness 

We moved from So-cal to VA what a freaking change this has been! from the weather to the people everything is different, its going to take some time for me to get used to the way things are now but this is just another stop in the crazy life of a Military family!